i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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