Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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