Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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