We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize