singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
