Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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