There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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