Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
