i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
