How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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