Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
