margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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