So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
