Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
