i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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