her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
