ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
