My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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