Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
