just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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