I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
50% drunk capacity currently
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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