i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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