i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
