I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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