we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's always time for handjobs
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
