So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
