Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
