Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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