i permit you to call me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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