i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.