I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?