you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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