only if we run a train.
done.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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