Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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