3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life