you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
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It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO