he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions