I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
