Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
