my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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