if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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