Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
