Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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