Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
