allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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