I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
