He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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