meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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