The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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