We're facebook friends in real life
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
