saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
