Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
