It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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