i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
