I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
