I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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