I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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