so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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