'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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