Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
