so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
