Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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