Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
