I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize