I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
