on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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