she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
