i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
