I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
