If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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