I am puke
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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