i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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